what could be a long and winding journey..

THIS STARTED AND ENDED MY THIRD TERM IN MY SOPH YEAR.

A SHOWER OF EMOTIONS, UNENDING CHILLS AND SMILES..

WITH MY DEAREST FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES AT MY SIDE, NOTHING WILL REALLY GO WRONG.

I LOVE LIFE. EVER.

revisions

How come time flies too fast?

I sit here, thinking for the longest time of how will I ever get to manage my time more efficiently than what I used to. I know I am not the one you could point out if you want things done in an instant, but I can volunteer for you if you want it to be done in a couple of sleeping hours and in-between snapshots of myself. Now, choose. I don't want anyone to wait for me either, I just want to please almost everyone on my brain list, but that's not how it supposed to be. I am becoming tired and weary of the same scenario I get from going back to cara and returning back home after a week-long emotional and mental pressure from school. Now, choose.

I know, you do not even have a single nice option.

Going back to my fresh random thoughts these past few days, I guess I am fortunate enough to survive. I mean, how long will I ever have to endure that something that has been hidden for like, months? hmm. Actually, longer months than you think. Yea, I know this might sound kind of weird but frankly, I can't wait to finally face the real score between me and that. That? Okay, not now. Again.

Since I have been blogging here for quite sometime now, I think it's high time for me to share something a little offbeat from the latest happenings in my life. Like, um.. DREAMS.

Okay. here we go.. Dreams come and go, I remember when I talked about my series of dreams in this blog too.. Remember the dream guy of mine? ahaha, funny i do not even want to think about that anymore, but its really something memorable though. Let's say, I had this weird dream I won't dare to give off details about, but my interpretation will be spilled out here..
Haha, I think having multiple personalities do not necessarily rock, do you or do you not agree? :p Going back, I am going straight to my interpretation. Maybe, a hidden feeling will soon be revealed. By whom? That I don't know, but I just hope it would be coming from me. 'yon!

MAYBE.

Who knows, confirming a true emotion will give great reasons for me to feel the true spirit of the nearing season! =)

Ciao!~

change of plans..

I don't know if i should be doing this post instead of thinking the next step to get away from this point of, well nothingness. I agreed to have given a person a chance. A defined chance on how to exactly move into a greater level of maturity. A much more defined 'US'. Not just a mere developed acquaintance from the past. I agreed, not focusing on the fact that we really have our own differences that indeed act as hindrances for a much more defined relationship apart from friendship. I agreed. The partial result? Impartial happiness. Divided emotions. A suspense ride for still an unclear portion of the future. I cannot do so much or is it just a wild excuse of me not taking risk for something that would surely be of good effect to me in the next days?

I don't know.

For the past weeks, i have been feeling quite happy for reasons nobody can extract from me. It seems everything is just taking place without much control, yet these things are not exactly the most nicest things that could happen. Of course, we can really not expect too much. As i have said in one of my older posts, i hate expectations. But somehow, it trigger me to self-assuming. How i never wanted to think fast-forward.. but in the coming days i know, i'll be doing a lot of that. a lot of wishings. never-ending dreams. mostly open-ended.


It is as if this entry made a lot of sense but actually it did, for me.
My divided emotion towards that person is waiting to be in a steady state.
In the meantime, we just have to let a wider space come between us.
Yea, it is not that much necessary for we are having a lot of spaces since the beginning, but it's quite unexplainable how i still feel the growing uneasiness within me.

For those whom i have asked opinions about my plan, thank you for the attention and advice.

Finally, i chose another alternative. Again.


God Bless everyone!
Ciao!~

term two 06-07

okay, i'm here again. ahaha:p

kinda feeling a little rushed from the latest happenings in my simple life as a sophomore in la salle. well, could it be any simpler? i mean, forget the last term i had. i don't even dare to think about it. it was the worst academic term i had. :( but hey, i still have a lot of happier things to cherish during the first term of the school year. hmm.. i should say, it was a mixture of everything. from being so sober to getting drunk in the spirit of.. well.. let's say that four-letter-word called gush. labo. explicitly stating it---love. baduy. yeah right, it all comes down together.
to top it all off, i realized so many things during the last term. so many i couldn't still figure out why i didn't failed that bad when i should've. (oops.. i never should've said that, sorry] i guess, my conversation with the the greatest being up there before i have to do anything firmed me up to reach my average satisfaction of what i am supposed to be at. and because of that, i can never be so grateful enough. the term lasted short but it felt longer than i expected. some friends come, and as much as i don't want them to go.. some of them would, eventually. regardless of the reasons, i know we'll still be looking forward to spending quality time again, maybe not now 'coz we all have conflicting schedules and all that.. hmm.. hmm.. why is that so?

what i really like about ending a term is that it opens another piece of sheet. though it may not thoroughly burn all the heartaches of the past, or erase the worst marks in the course cards you got, but still it closes it and lets a new one start with a brighter light. hopefully.

since it is the second term of the school year, i wanted to make sure i started it right.
aside from having my index cards pasted with the right id picture sizes, i had my books borrowed, and some stuff being fixed with oc-ness. not the real me, i believe so. but i enjoy everything about what i am currently doing.

i miss my family again..

so much i wanted to say, maybe some other time i will spill them out again.

as for me, i should be happy this term.
never have to worry 'bout what others might see in me.
i am no different from others anyway, 'coz i am more more beyond.. ;)

wish us luck these great new scheds and profs!:)

cheers for the upcoming 4.0's! [sobrang asa pa..:p]

God Bless Everyone!

Ciao!

soo like this song.. :)

*Trouble Sleeping*
[Corinne Bailey Rae]

It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in
Won't say that
I'm falling in love

Tell me I don't see myself
Couldn't I blame something else
Don't say I'm falling in love
Some kind of therapy
Is all I need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
That can cure me completely

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in
Won't say that
I'm falling in love

Tell me I don't see myself
Couldn't I blame something else
Don't say I'm falling in love
Cause I've been there before
It's not enough
So nobody say it
Don't even say it
I got my eyes shut

Whoah, no
Whoah, no, no, no
Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't see myself
Couldn't I blame something else

Don't say I'm falling in love


Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love

if i believe..

If I Believe

If I believed in paradise

I'd swear I must be there

I'd swear I must be there

right now with you

If I believed in miracles

I'd know that one was happening to me

But if I don't believe in paradise

Then miracles aren't real

Then someone tell me what is this I feel

I wanna believe it's love this time

I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie

But with you I can't deny

if I believed in paradise

I'd swear

I'm there

If I believed in magic spells

It all would be so clear

'Cause magic spells must have brought you here

If I could see the future

I'd see if you and I were meant to be

But I dont know any magic

And tomorrow's just a dream

But something in this fantasy is real

I wanna believe it's love this time

I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie

I wanna believe it's love this time

I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie

But with you I cant deny

If I believed in paradise

I'd swear

I'm there

I'm there

I'm there

If I believed.

;(

okay..

this might be too soon, i know. but i can't seem to control myself from expressing what i really feel.. what i really LONG wanted to say.. i guess. last time, i looked at myself and i still see a lot of pretensions. although, i always try not to argue within myself what i truly feel, coz it will only cause me much pain if i do.. but until now, i am not sure if i should drop all of my fears and just let my heart take its own way.. but i'm quite certain that this is the perfect time to let it all out, for the longest time, i never felt so much bothered. so, please let me let go of all these thoughts. *loong sigh.

fine. enough for the introduction.

one of the moments i've long been waiting to happen has finally flashed into reality. the moment where i could almost see everything in color, in abundance of faith and in the realization of my dreams. yet suddenly, i can't seem to be happy. why? i think, there are beyond more what i had expected, a lot of consequences appeared before my eyes and most of them are hindrances i should let myself pass through.. or maybe, i just found out that the real fault was on me.

i'v had the most precious time that day. if i could just stop and seize the moment. but then again, i can't seem to be more contented. convinced? yes, it hurts me alot afterwards. i don't know.. only thing that i'm certain is that i never really felt that way before. if that person only knew how much he means to me. ;(

should i still continue this? i believe i said it all in that last statement. i'm not scared to let this all out anymore 'coz i know this is the only way to let myself free from all the locked up thoughts i've been hiding for quite a span of time. sheez, if he only knew how i already felt the first time i saw him.. this might sound soo crazy err.. mushy, but that's the truth. oh, and did i mention why i can't seem to get him out of my mind? i guess it's true when they say that, you can never really explain in words what is definitely understandable in heart. hmm. that's how he became too important to me. and he doesn't even know that. am i good in hiding feelings? definitely but now. see? uncontrollable effect*

*sigh.

i'm pretty sure i have to say this: It is not completely okay.

i guess, we need to talk.


right now, confusion lowers a bit. i just need more reflection.

Above all, i leave it all up to God. He knows how to make me happy beyond anyone else..